So Ready or Not

Well. I'm sitting in Harry's listening to Matthew Perryman Jones play. So good. Yes, Jeff would consider him another artist who just plays "sad music" (ie: love songs that aren't bluegrass), but his songs are just so soothing. I could fall asleep listening to him, right now.

Oh yeah, speaking of soothing, I have a BP test at 9:15 tomorrow morning, and an Organic 2 test at 10:30, and I am surprisingly calm. I don't know why. I'm not really sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing, either. Normally I would be stressing out and/or studying right now. I just can't wait for 11:30 to come tomorrow. I'll be sitting in the caf, done with both tests, and ready for a break from school work. I won't really get a good break, because I'm going to listen to chemistry research lectures tomorrow from 12-4 for extra credit in Org 2 class, and I'm planning on spending Saturday and Sunday studying for the PCAT and working on my 12 page BP textual study, but Friday night is good enough for me. Parrrty time.

I found his picture the other day.



Fall break anyone?

So Good

Well. This weekend was the Gauley.

Every year, Noah's takes a staff trip to the Gauley, in West Virginia. I knew about it since the beginning of the summer, but on Friday, when it was time to go, I wasn't thrilled. I had a ton of homework that I needed to do this weekend and it's a 9 hour drive from Birmingham, and I just didn't really want to go. I was being a party pooper.

But after I woke up on Saturday morning and saw so many good friends, and then we rafted in such big, fun, warm water, and then Amy and I summersaulted/rolled/flipped down a giant hill in our sleeping bags, and then we danced to a bluegrass band after dinner, I was so glad I went. I didn't realize how much of a break I needed. Just to be refreshed. To get away. To calm down some.

This weekend, I realized that I really do love rafting. I still have a healthy fear of the water, but I'm not as terrified as I used to be. And I got in the boat by myself like 10 times this weekend. No big deal.

I also realized that a lot of this summer, and even some of this weekend, I wasn't really being myself. Amy and I were talking Saturday night, and I realized that I lived in this mindset of feeling like I had to prove myself to different people, especially the older guides, including my brother. I felt like I had to prove that I'm tough enough; funny enough; social enough; good enough; cool enough. But that is dumb. So I'll just be tough, funny, social, good, and cool on my own, and who cares what those boys say. Haha. But for real - I think it's the same thing that has made sophomore year better - I already know what's going on at Samford and I don't care what people think, so I just do whatever I want, which has made this year so fun. So hopefully next summer will be like that, where I already know the drill and I don't have anything to prove to those boys, and it'll be even more fun and freeing than this past summer was.

Here's a picture that I found on google images, of the Gauley. This is what it was like. Huge.




After doing not so much homework this week, I've been living in the library. I have a lab report due Thursday, and Organic 2 test and a BP test Friday. So I've spent a lot of time studying this week. And I will spend most of this weekend studying. But that's ok. Soon it'll be over. Just about 2 and 1/2 more months. Haha.

So I'm Thomas

Well. In the Nickel Creek song Doubting Thomas it says:
"Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face, then I beg to be spared 'cause I'm a coward.. I'm a doubting thomas, I can't keep my promises, 'Cause i don't know what's safe, oh me of little faith."

That sums up my past few weeks.

This summer was so good. And when I did face problems, they were obvious. In my face.

Then I came back to school. And duh, my classes are hard, but other than that, everything's going relatively well. So a few weeks ago I started praying that God would break my heart and bring me to a place where I had to depend on him. Where I couldn't lean on my own understanding; my own ideas; my own plans.

I was thinking last week and wondering when my next "big trial" would come. When God would really put me to the test and I could have a tangible sign of my faith. And I could see how God was working in me.

It wasn't until Sunday afternoon when it all clicked.

The past few weeks, I've just felt so drained. Stressed. Tired. Boring. Lame. Rushed. Worried. The opposite of who I am - of who I want to be. I didn't know what the deal was. I've had little to no energy to do anything. I roll out of bed every morning (after hitting snooze a couple of times), go to class, sit at my desk or in the library and study, and then lay awake in bed every night trying to make a list of what I need to do the next day. Day in. Day out. And then when I am with friends, I am always thinking of things that I need to do, and I keep looking down at my watch and calculating the minutes before I need to get back to work.

Well bingo. There it is.

This semester is a big semester for me. Organic 2. Microbio. RA. Pharmacy applicaiton. PCAT. Etc. I have a never ending list of things that I need to get done. And for the past few weeks, I've been trying to do it all on my own. I've been making my list. Making my plans. Trying to do things with my energy. And as you can tell - it sucks.

So I'm done trying. I'm still going to work hard and get things done, but I'm not going to try to do it in my own power. It's a struggle. Not daily. But freaking minute by minute. I'm such a perfectionist that I click back into control mode in a second. So I literally have to re-surrender everything so so much. But I'm done trying on my own.

Keep me accountable.

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In other news.

David, Jonathan, and two of Jonathan's friends from school came to Birmingham Saturday. So. Along with Courtney and Kaleigh, we all went to the Cahaba River rope swing. It was so much fun. The weather was perfect - not a cloud in the sky. We left with a few battle wounds, but nothing big. Oh, and then Qdob for dinner.
But the fun doesn't end there. Courtney, David, and I found this tree on campus that has nets in the top of it for sitting, and we sat up there for like 2 hours. Thennn we decided to pitch my tent on the quad.
We decide to set it up by Reid, because there are fewer lights and sprinklers over there. And then Bobby decides to join us for about an hour. After about 45 minutes of sitting and talking, Bobby gets up, gets inside my tent (we had all been sitting outside of the tent), and starts rolling down towards the middle of the quad. Yes. A tent. Rolling.
Well, at this point, Courtney, David, and I are just staring and laughing very hard. But next thing we know - there's a boy from a group of people that was sitting about 20 ft from where Bobby was rolling, and he jumps up, walks towards the rolling tent, and yells. He scares Bobby so badly that Bobby stops rolling. Dizzy Bobby gets out of the tent, very disoriented, and walks back up towards us, leaving the tent where it was.
So I go get it and set it back where I was, and after a few minutes, we go back to talking and hanging out.
By this time, it's about 12:15, and Bobby decides that he needs to go.
So.
He picks up my tent and starts walking away.
Keeps walking.
Right next to the boy who scared him, and his friends.
And.
Throws the tent on top of them and runs away.
On. Top. Of. Them.
My tent.
I literally peed in my pants when I saw this.

When I was able to control my laughter (and bladder) a little better, I walked over, apologized, and retrieved my tent.
Then Courtney and I went to sleep in my tent, and David slept under the stars (no clouds in the sky).

And that was the end of a great day.

So It's New

Well. Thinking cap, nightgown, my trophy, and a new giant trophy.

Good day.

So Sophomore Year

Well, this whole summer I dreaded coming back to school. I didn't want to be in Alabama. I didn't want to live in the Science Center (I spend 16 hours a week in there, just in class, not including homework or anything). I didn't want to eat in the caf. I didn't want to walk past people I know everywhere I want to go. I didn't want to sit at a desk and work. I didn't want to study.

Buttt now that I'm back - it's so great. I walked into my first class on the first day (Biblical Perspectives), and I knew like 3/4 of the people. And my second class (Organic 2) - same thing. And my third, on the second day, (Microbiology) - guess what? same. And my Fitness Swimming class, also know as the Samford Swim Team, is SO fun. Three of my friends, Lars, Hunter, and Jenn, are in it and we have so much fun. Last practice, Hunter high-fived me, Lars, and Jenn after every lap. And I literally laughed all the way down the pool every single lap I swam (which was probably a total of 16 laps). They said that I am the captain, and often refer to me as that, which is funny, because I am the youngest of the four of us. It is the first fun class I've had, and I freaking love it.

Also, I kind of like knowing 80% of the people I pass on the way to class - that are in the caf - that are at the gym. It's sort of empowering. And fun. Haha.

Hmm. As far as RAing is going... That's a little iffy. Sometimes I do a good job.. but sometimes.. I break every rule there is. But those are just words.

Ohhh. Courtney, Kaleigh, Sarah Waller, and I went to my parents' house, with Michael, for Labor Day Weekend. We hung out with David and Michael all weekend, and it was literally the first time since I went to school last fall - and since Nate and I broke up - that I had fun at home. We went fishing, we went to the beach, we went swimming, and we hung out at Michael's house until late in the night. It was suppper fun. Ultimate tanning time. My pfd and shorts tan ended up getting burned to a crisp.. but is now slightly tan.

I feel like all I ever do is study. Organic II and Microbiology, and their 3 hour labs, take up soooo much time. Stupid. And it is hard living by myself on one side of campus, when everyone else lives on the other side of campus, especially because they don't all live together, so I have to visit them separately, unless we make elaborate plans to all get together.

Oh, on that note, last Friday was Kaleigh's birthday, so we all got together, made dinner, and then ended up making a fort, in which we all fell asleep. I woke up at 5 and everyone except Courtney and Kaleigh had left. That floor is a lotttt harder than it looks.

That was so long. I'm sure there are more things that have happened in the past two weeks, but that's enough for now.

So These are Someone Else's Thoughts

Well, I've been reading a book called In the Likeness of God on and off since I graduated from high school. David and Jonathan's mom gave it to me for graduation, and it is so good. It's written by a surgeon, who worked with leprosy patients in India for most of his life. In the book, Dr. Paul Brand talks about different parts of the body in both medical and spiritual contexts, telling stories from his work and India, while relating the human body to the body of Christ. I was finishing up a chapter called "Image: Restoration" last night, and I thought Dr. Brand said some really interesting things.

He says, "When we join his [Christ's] body, it is the image of God himself we must find, not our own. We find it not by proving ourselves, but by releasing that desperate dependance on our own self-images in favor of taking on God's glorious image."

and "It is Christ's glory we take on, not our own...for all of us, the reward is the same: a chance to be judged not for what we are but for what Christ is. God looks upon us and sees his beloved Son."

I haven't even really been thinking about this lately, but I thought these words were interesting. Mainly because they sparked a little thought in me that said, "Hey, maybe you should be thinking about this more. About consciously releasing my dependence (even if it's subconscious) on my self-image, in order to take hold of God's glorious image."

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I know I've said this about 4 times already, but I am going to try to life update soon, not just a random fact/thought update.